It’s been quite hard to imagine the winter that most of my stateside ďżźfriends are experiencing! It’s actually been cool here in Haiti too. The coolest I have ever seen in the winters we’ve been here. One morning our thermometer showed 58*! We get our jackets out mornings and evenings but it always warms up during the day. I took the children to the river recently and the water there was very cold! But not to cold to keep the children out. Even though their legs were knocking against each other when they got out.
We’ve been getting some visitors the last few months. My brother and his wife were here over Thanksgiving. Another guy from our church in Iowa came with them. They worked on building a rack for our truck and 2 other trucks while they were here. The last evening they were here we realized they had been so busy we never even showed them around to see our animals and gardens.
We had a good Thanksgiving. Around that time things were pretty crazy in Port because of a rise in fuel prices. We were thankful our visitors made it to our place safely. Things in our area were very calm and normal. We had some American friends over and had a Thanksgiving meal on Thanksgiving day. Our Turkey was a bit tough but also very authentic.
The day after Thanksgiving Joe Karn came for 6 weeks. He had lived with us the 3 years we had been in Haiti previously so it was nice to have him around again for awhile. While he was he was here our house for hit with dengue fever. I don’t remember ever being so sick! Joe got it first, then Alliyah then me. It hung on for days. Bryan did all my work for me for probably a week. I was glad he didn’t get it since he’s seemed to have gotten sick enough since we moved back in June. We had plans Christmas day but ended up staying home and I spent the day in bed. It was a pretty discouraging day. Holidays always seem hard when you are away from family.
Since our Christmas plans to go to a friends house didn’t work out we invited them to our house for a New Years eve party. The one family headed home a bit before midnight but the other couple we invited was planning to spend the night. We all stayed up til after midnight. The next day I wondered if it was worth it! Our children seem to wake up at same time no matter when they go to bed. We went to the river new years day and had a good time since we were all feeling better!
We spent a bit of time in LaBaliene while some board members were here and Bryan was gone for about 4 days when he went on a trip to the north to visit some farmers that came to the last agriculture conference we have every year in LaBaliene. On his way back from that he picked up my other brother Laban who came to visit for 2 weeks. Its been alot of fun to have him around. He has helped out alot with small house projects Bryan hadn’t gotten too. Bryan and him also built the children a tree house.
While Laban was here I left for Port to attend a women’s conference. There were 12 ladies from 2 hours or less in every direction around me that went out in a vehicle together. It was very full but it was fun to travel with a group of women and chat without having children to look after. The conference was a Friday evening and all day Saturday. There were 2 speakers that combined equaled to living in Haiti 23 years. They both live in the States again now but it was very refreshing to sit and be inspired by women who have so much experience to living here and in the culture we do. A total of 40 women were there. It would take a whole separate blog post to tell you everything that I gleaned from the weekend. Some thing that I really enjoyed was parts of an article titled ‘Meet Me in the Middle’ I asked for a copy of the article and will share part of it here.
One of the hardest things about being an American living in a developing country is the constant tug between the world you left and the world you are currently living in. You canât ever really shake either one. They are simultaneously slapped in front of your face and tucked inside of your heart at all times. Living in a developing country means that we are constantly faced with need. Itâs at our gate, in our homes, along the roads we travel, called out to us from the streets we walk, forced upon us, in front of us at all times. As Americans, we have access to money (not unlimited access by any means, but nevertheless access). Itâs no secret and itâs obnoxious when we try to pretend otherwise. Itâs not always fair, but itâs the truth about where we come from. Most of us try to help needs. Many of us give until it hurts, but itâs never enough. We live in the âMiddleâ; in between two worlds which contrast themselves in a million different ways. To Americans, we are the missionaries who are always in need and the ones who gave up so much. To many people in our host country, we are the wealthy; the glowing answers to meeting their needs and who just need to give more.
Farther on in the article,
So, living here in the âmiddleâ, I have learned to live with heaviness. All of us here in the âmiddleâ learn to live a little bit heavy at all times, swallowing a million thoughts and emotions that enter our brains because itâs just too hard to process and articulate it all.
All of us who live in this âmiddleâ are in a battle which is constantly fluctuating between abundance and need. You learn to cry with those in need and rejoice with those in abundance and find yourself living in both at times. You learn to live without giving yourself too much permission to process or compare where you are currently falling in between those two extremes.
Those of us in the middle carry a pervasive struggle in our hearts. You canât really articulate it because itâs a kind of schizophrenic leap between guilt and jealousy, gratitude and shame, pitying others and pitying yourself, anger and sorrow, generosity and greed, a bleeding heart and a shocking coldness due to compassion fatigue. It is a fight and we get tired of living in it often. We want to enjoy moments and people and things, but it isnât that simple anymore. Our highs and delights are tempered, and your pains and sorrows often feel unworthy.
Even those missionaries who live in the village inside of mud huts with no running water carry health insurance cards that could save their childrenâs lives, and most are one phone call away from being able to return to the States if there was great danger. It is not fair. We are always going be different. Though Iâve fought this mental battle for years, I donât believe that the answer is living guilt-ridden, nor pretending we are poor (people see past that, sorry!), nor is it giving away every single thing we own.
Thatâs the funny thing about contentment, right? We donât get to choose what we are called to be content with. We have to be content with what God has given. In Philippians, Paul talks about this kind of contentment. He says that he had to learn how to be content in every situation; how to be in need and how to have plenty, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Paul tells us that it is Christ who gives him the strength to do that. And itâs Christ who gives us strength, whether in need or in plenty, to live the same.
The phrase it’s not fair I felt like I could relate too. Something I have often felt when thinking about my own hospital experience here. If I had been a Haitian I would have died. Its not fair! But I know God placed us here. And I am very thankful for his protection we have experienced while living here.
Towards the end of her article she writes
So, I donât have this battle won, but I think the answer is learning to live well within the âmiddleâ rather than fighting it. Those of us who live in the âmiddleâ arenât comfortable on either side anymore, but that is exactly where God has placed us.
On this side of our âmiddleâ we must find contentment in having less but loving those who have more.
Letâs have the courage to face either side of our strange âmiddleâ and then have faith to give it to our Father. I think we will find peace there. We will be at peace, because though we are wildly out of control and insanely tugged from both of our realties, our Father is in control and He is good.
I went to pick parts out of the article and ended up sharing alot more then I thought I would! I do not know who originally wrote this article and if I did I would include her name.
There was so much more that I enjoyed while attending the women’s conference too. So much good food and wonderful fellowship. It felt like such a refreshing retreat. The children were excited to see me again but I know they had fun with their dad and uncle. Before I left Weston told me his plans for while I was gone was to ‘wrestle with dad!’
Laban is flying back to the States tomorrow. We came to Port yesterday evening because we had an appointment at the embassy to renew Peyton’s passport. So we are staying 2 nights in Port so we could do the passport appointment and taking Laban back to the airport in the same trip. This is the 2nd family Port trip we made since moving and each time I’m reminded that I am happy to stay home and let Bryan go! February 4th we are planning for more visitors coming from our church. It makes winter months fun and go by quickly when we get visitors and it is so very nice to have a house that can easily accommodate extra people around! So whoever is getting tired of the cold you can plan a trip down south! đ I’ll add a few pictures at the end of my post. God Bless you all as you follow Him -Ashley
Peyton lost her 2nd tooth!
These 2 cuties are right about the same age and are just too cute together!
Building a tree house.
The group of women who attended the women’s conference.
Crowded truck on the way into Port.